


Love and Trauma Under the Beds of Ordinary People

by acidbathh



Series: Trap Doors Under the Bed [2]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: /hj, Angst, CSA survivor projection momence, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone is Trans, Hurt/Comfort, Slice of Life, Trap Doors AU, Trauma, Trauma Recovery, childhood trauma fails compilation, the end doesn't happen AU, tw: everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acidbathh/pseuds/acidbathh
Summary: You never really know what people could be hiding from you, or just not telling you because you never asked the right questions. Sometimes, people hide things under the bed, and they hide them for so long they get dusty, moldy, they rot and fester, and you'd never even knew because you just never bothered to look. Sometimes, it's a good idea to shine a light under there and see what's going on in someone's life.Or, a slice of life fic about some really fucked up kids that grew up.[You don't have to read 'The Man Across the Street' to understand this fic, it's just a little more added context that will be put into the fic later, and its canon-ness to this series is gonna be debatable until hell freezes over.]
Relationships: Not sure yet
Series: Trap Doors Under the Bed [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024294
Kudos: 4





	1. Quiet Kid

**Author's Note:**

> making this as a counter-AU to someone else's fetishy little AU. you know who you are. 
> 
> as a general trigger warning for the entire fic, since i don't know 100% what will be in here, (however i'll try to put warnings on all of the chapters), i'm going to warn you for the following: childhood sexual abuse, child abuse in general, abuse in general, sexual assault, shitty/toxic/abusive parents, addiction, suicide/attempted suicide, dissociation, severe mental health issues, self destructive behaviours, (i.e. self destructive sex, drug/alcohol abuse, purposeful self-triggering, etc), and probably more that i'll add as they come into the plot later. 
> 
> whoo-hoo, chapter 1 is out. here is the summary for this chapter, since i can't appear to leave one on the first chapter for some reason: the guys get ready for movie night, but just as it's time to go to bed, an unknown little starts fronting in tom's system. they attach themselves to tord, and they're too scared to be left alone. 
> 
> content warnings for: self harm scars/mentions of them, talking about where they are on the body.

You ever notice little things about a person and wonder what their life is like? What they could be hiding? Have you ever made up stories in your head about what that person's life might be like, or how they got a certain scar or a bracelet, even if you know that the real story is probably pretty mundane? It's interesting to think about it, no? You never really know what all these strangers around you could be doing, all these people you don't know all have unique stories and lives and traditions and familial cultures and ideas about the world and it never ceases to amaze oneself when they bother noticing it.

If you think about it, you never really notice anything at all.

It's just interesting to me, really. You never really know what that barista's life is like, or what the life of that customer they're serving could be like. You can always guess, and make assumptions, but you never really know anything.

I don't want to sleep because all I want to think about is this, and the world around me.

* * *

In the living room of a yellow house with a red roof on a road in London called Durdam Lane, there were four men, going through their Friday evening routine. 

Tord walked into the living room, bowl of popcorn in one arm and various candies and sweets in the other. "Okay, I have the snacks." He said, setting them down onto the coffee table in front of the couch, and Tom uncharacteristically hopped forwards, grinning. "Oh, snacks!" He grabbed some M&Ms and hopped back into his seat, knees pulled up to his chest and happily eating the candy. "Someone is excited for Deadpool 2," Edd said. "Who is it though?" He looked to Tom, who shrugged. Edd looked to Matt and Tord and shrugged himself. "I guess we'll never know. Let's start the movie!"

Matt fell asleep halfway through the film, leaning on the others and snoring. Edd pushed him off several times, but eventually accepted that he wasn't going to leave and just let him sleep on his shoulder. Tom, or not Tom, ate his way through all the snacks soon before Matt fell asleep, giving a sheepish laugh as Tord said, "Who the fuck ate all the snacks?" He looked at Tom, glaring. "I didn't even get any of the malteasers." He pouted. Tom perked up. "Oh, oh, I think I have, like, one left." He found the malteasers box and dumped one malteaser into his hand, giving it to Tord, who just looked irritated. He rolled his eyes and ate it. "I can't fucking believe you sometimes." He said, but then Edd shushed him as important plot points are happening.

At the end of the film, villains were rehabilitated, paedophiles were killed, and the ending was overall relatively happy.

However, when it came time to put a blanket on Matt and let him sleep on the couch, turn off the TV and go to bed, Tom's demeanor changed a little bit, and everything was made a little clearer. He grabbed onto Tord's arm, seeming scared, looking around him. "What're you doing?" He asked. Tom just buried his face into Tord's shoulder and it was soon made pretty clear that wasn't Tom fronting. "Oh, are you scared of the dark?" He asked, and the little gave a small nod. "Okay, you can stay with me tonight if you want." He offered a comforting smile, and the little nodded. They both made their way upstairs, but Edd saw them and looked a little questioningly. "Kid's afraid of the dark." Tord explained. Edd made an 'oh' face and went back about his business, going into his bedroom to get ready for bed.

"Can I ask who's in front right now?" Asked Tord, as the two of them made their way into his bedroom for the night. The kid just covered their face and shook their head. "Okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Tord said, trying to be careful of the situation. He knew that Tom had some really messed up kids in his system, and didn't want to freak them out or scare them off or trigger them or anything, so if one of them came out, everyone in the house knew to be extra careful. "I'm going to go into my closet and change into some sleep clothes, are you going to be okay here alone?" The little seemed to panic at that thought, and Tord had to backtrack. "You don't have to be here alone, I was just trying to see if you wanted some privacy while we got into our pajamas." He said, walking forwards to try and comfort the kid. He wasn't sure if touching or hugging them would make it worse. "We can both change here and you don't have to be alone." They nodded. "Please." "Okay, I can get you something to change into." Tord said, going into his closet. The kid followed.

Tord knelt down by some drawers and pulled out an old shirt and some pants. "Now, I don't know if any of the pants I have will fit you, but these have a drawstring so you can make them tighter, so if that would make you more comfortable, they're here." He then handed the pants and shirt to the kid and picked out some pajamas for himself. The little took off Tom's pants and struggled a little, falling back on their butt trying to get the last of the leg over their foot. "Do you need help?" Tord asked, stifling some laughter. The kid shook their head no. "Okay, let me know if you need help." They then took off Tom's hoody, and the shirt underneath it, and you could see the scars all over Tom's body, now.

A lot on the wrists, upper arms and on his upper back and shoulders, too. There were some on their thighs as well, but half of them were hidden under his briefs. Some on his hips you could see were peaking through the waistband. The little caught Tord staring, and said, "Don't look." Very quietly. Tord, embarrassed, quickly corrected himself. "I'm sorry, are you okay?" He said. The little covered up their body and the scars and said nothing, looking off to the side. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare. I shouldn't have done that." Tord said, feeling pretty guilty. He knew it wasn't anything inappropriate, he was just looking at Tom's scars, but since this alter was, for all intents and purposes, a child, he didn't know how the kid would interpret his staring, or how they would feel about it.

"It's okay." The kid said in a quiet voice. "I know you're looking at these." The kid held out their arm and pointed to the scars on it. Tord felt a little guiltier. "I just don't like being reminded of them..." He put on the shirt that Tord gave him, and then put Tom's hoody back on, then they stood up to pick up the yoga pants off the floor and put them on, tying the drawstring so they fit better. Tord looked a little sad, but then quickly got changed into his own clothes.

"Okay," Tord said, trying to get over what just happened. "You can sleep on the bed and I have a blanket and some pillows to sleep on the floor-" The kid shook their head. "No." They said. Tord tilted his head. "You want to sleep with me?" He asked. The kid nodded. "Safer." They said. Tord shrugged, and walked to his bed, letting the kid get in first before climbing in. They instantly grabbed onto him, holding on while they tried to fall asleep. "G'night, kid." Tord said, and the kid didn't say anything.

* * *

The next morning, Tom woke up in Tord's bed, delirious out of his mind from sleep and dissociation, and found Tord next to him, scrolling through his phone. "What... The fuck...?" Tom said. "God, I feel like eight dump-trucks on a plateau." He said. "Good morning, Tom." Tord said flatly. "I didn't want to wake you up because I wasn't sure who it was gonna be." He laughed a little. "Who was it last night?" Tom asked. "Some little, wouldn't give me their name. Covered their face a lot and wore long sleeves to bed because they didn't wanna be reminded of your scars or something. Afraid of the dark." Tord tried to list traits about this kid they could think of off the top of his head, but he didn't really know anything. "Wanted to sleep with me because they were afraid of the dark, and didn't even want to be left alone to change into something comfortable to sleep in." Tom furrowed his brows. "Yeah, dunno who the fuck that is." He said. Tord shrugged. "Someone old or someone new, you think?" He asked. Tom shook his head. "Dun' fuckin know." He said, rubbing his face. "I'm not even entirely sure who's fronting right now." Tom said, flopping onto his back and sighing loudly. "Been there." Tord said. 

Tord then got up and stretched a little. "Well, I'm going to make breakfast." He said, walking to the door. "Lemme know if you want anything." He said. Tom shook his head. "Nah, I just need a fuckin' coffee. Make it Irish." He said. "I'm not making you alcoholic coffee at eight in the morning, Tom." Tord said, rolling his eyes. Tom grumbled and sighed, getting up. "Then I'll make it myself. Bitch." Tom stuck his tongue out at Tord as he passed him on his way to the kitchen. Tord rolled his eyes again. "Good fuckin' morning." He said to himself, walking downstairs to make something to eat. 


	3. New Year's Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, i update after so many long. 
> 
> no real tws, just like mentions of nonspecific trauma and mild descriptions of flashbacks

  
They were in the closet in their bedroom curled up in a ball, covering their ears and breathing heavily, eyes full of tears from the flashbacks. 

Fireworks raged outside, where everyone was happy and celebrating, but they sat inside, having a panic attack. 

They didn't really seem to know who was fronting anymore, just that the fireworks made them jump because they sounded too similar to gunshots, and that they couldn't breathe. A bath towel sat in front of them on the ground covered in snot and tears from the episode. 

Matt sat next to them on the floor with a water bottle, teddy bear and a blanket. He wrapped the blanket and his arm around their shoulders, gave them the bear and brought them close to their chest, ignoring the fact that his shirt was probably going to get a little messed up from their tears, knowing that now was not the time. 

Edd, Matt, and Tom had been expecting this, because it's been happening damn near every year since Tom got sober three years ago. Hell, it happened long before that, Tom just managed to hide it better. Even as routine as it was for the holidays to be traumatic for Tom, even if it was expected year after year, that didn't make it any less horrifying and sad to see. 

Tord wasn't really aware of this when he'd gotten back just a couple of months before Christmas and New Year's, but when the decorations started going up and Tom and his system started acting flighty and nervous around them, Edd took the time to explain a bit of it to him. 

"The reason Tom hates Christmas is, well, he's got a lot of trauma around it." Edd said, shrugging. "We avoid putting up decorations and doing a lot of Christmas-y stuff for his sake, they're really bad triggers for him." Tord nodded. "Huh, I didn't know that." He said. "It makes sense though." "Yeah, and fireworks are some of his biggest triggers, so New Year's is hell for him." Tord sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Yikes." "Yeah." 

There was a bit of a silence between the two of them for a bit. 

"How do you deal with it?" Tord asked quietly. "What do you mean?" Edd asked. "Like, how do you make him feel better? How do you deal with the flashbacks and the nightmares?" Something in Tord's voice and the way he was looking at the floor told Edd that he might not've been asking entirely for Tom's own sake. "Well," Edd started. "When he gets flashbacks and nightmares, he goes into his closet because that's kind of a safe place for him. We get a towel and some water for the tears and snot and stuff, and to rehydrate him." Edd listed. "Then usually Matt or me will stay with him and try to ground him and comfort him, telling him the date and having him repeat it, asking him questions, like what his favourite colour is or if he has a song stuck in his head... We'll also tell him that it's not happening anymore. Make sure he knows he's not alone." Tord looked up briefly to Edd, before looking down at his hands in his lap. "We also tend not to leave him alone either, because, well, we've had... Accidents before." Edd trailed off a little, looking away. 

"But most of all, we just try to be there for him. Like I said, we make him well aware that he's not alone, that he's loved and cared for, and that what happened in the past isn't happening anymore." Edd looked to Tord and smiled at him warmly, and Tord got the impression he wasn't talking explicitly about Tom. 

"Thanks, Edd." 

"No problem." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its so short and also way after new years but hey, at least i'm writing now, i feel like that's what counts. i've struggled to figure out what i should do exactly with this fic as i didn't have a 100% solid idea for a plotline or anything like that, and now i figure that small drabbles about life as systems and trauma and stuff would be good writing exercises, so i'm doing that.

**Author's Note:**

> ghhhghgdfhghhghfghhg this first chapter is rlly short oops but whatever
> 
> if you're having trouble understanding what's going on in this fic, i can leave a basic summary here: all of the guys went through pretty bad, repeated childhood abuse all between the ages of 0-9 years old, and onwards. it was bad enough that their consciousnesses shattered, and developed alternate "personalities"* to cope with the trauma. people with alternate "personalities" are called systems, and they generally have dissociative identity disorder (DID) or otherwise specified dissociative disorder (OSDD), either type 1a or 1b. (if you want more information, i suggest checking out multiplicity&me on youtube.)
> 
> this is a slice of life fic made as a counter-AU to someone who wrote a fic fetishizing the horrors of what it's like to be a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), especially a survivor of child pornography (CP), because as a survivor of CSA and part of a DID system myself, i'm tired of my disorder not only being misrepresented (not necessarily in this fandom, but in general), i'm tired of the trauma i and the majority of my friends and partners went through getting fetishized/romanticized and people getting off to it or acting like it's cute somehow, when it's not. in fact, i can say from firsthand experience that it's deeply, deeply horrific.
> 
> so i'm writing this to genuinely educate people on DID/OSDD, show what it's like to be a trauma survivor and a system, and to genuinely explore a darker topic without it being glorified, fetishized or otherwise absolutely fucking nasty. 
> 
> if you want to contact me, you can find me on my fandom tumblr, @1azybones, or my recently-made system blog @flowersandtheteethhouse. 
> 
> *please don't call them "personalities" IRL, as they aren't "personalities". the medical term that "alternate personalities" are referred to as is 'alters', though you might see words like 'headmates' or 'systemmates' or something similar get thrown around sometimes.


End file.
